today we captured 2 of the 3 hours of footage we have for liars and cheaters, overall i am really pleased. I see the mistakes I made as the director, and have written down notes on what i can learn from this experience already, i know the list will continue. about 90% of the stuff i am really happy with, of that 30% i love. that missing 10% is not as good as i had hoped. the outside shot with Felix was tough, kids in the background, not enough cutaways, we may have to re-shoot if we can’t doctor it in premier and the last scene, at the warehouse has very low audio. I hadn’t accounted for the extremely large space the room had, and the difficulty the boom had in picking up sound.
michelle, my script supervisor for the short, was at sundance this past week, she said after seeing the films that i need to be doing this, she said she knows i can do what they are doing. i am troubled by the comment. that messes up my 5 year plan. I don’t know if this is what i am to do, i don’t want to go after chasing pipe dreams, but even if that’s what they are i’ve had them since i was 6. How does this all play together, how can i be a passionate quaker theologian, a minister of people, and a short-film maker? Are these all juxtaposed? I know they don’t have to be, but it seems like i have spent a lot of time going in the wrong direction, being the wrong me?! is this true?
I am glad that Emily supports me in what i do, my mom has also said that i should “go for it,” and now i have friends saying the same thing. now all it takes is to muster up enough courage to try something, to be willing to be a failure, be shamed in front of people, too look like a fool. I am not sure if i am ready for that. as Will said while working on the “ring drop” scene in LnC “its a lot easier to direct this scene then it is to do it!” he was right, and that is how i feel about my life. it is easy for others to think about what i should do or not do, in fact it is easy for me to “think” about what i should do, but when it comes down to brass tacks…oh Lord…all i want to do is fulfill some intergalactic purpose in life, save the world and have everyone be proud of me, is that so much to ask?